Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Re-thinking the whole "No Kissing" rule

Just kidding. I'm not. But for some reason no one seems to believe that this is possible. (Our decision to have our first kiss be at our wedding.) Even my pastor called it a "tall order" when I told him I felt that if I felt an uncontrollable desire to kiss my girlfriend than I would know that God is no longer in this. I'm seeing this as Gideon's fleece.

Judges 6:

36 Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- 37 look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." 38 And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

39 Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." 40 That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew.

I don't know how Gideon got away with this. But I think my method is much less presumptuous. I'm looking so very carefully for signs regarding our relationship. One way or another. I'm asking God for the miraculous. And He has been providing it. You don't have to peruse this blog very long before you find examples of my lack of control in this area. One thing I've learned is that I don't have a slippery slope. (Kissing leads to other things.) No, I have a precipice of unparalleled steepocity. (I made up that word.) The Cliffs of Insanity! (A Princess Bride reference.) I'm exuberantly happy for those unmarried couples who can give each other pleasant kisses and leave it at that. But alas, that's not me. So I avoid the cliffs by not camping out on them. Which sounds simple enough, right? Well, having a willing participant in my plan helps. But beyond that, there is a miracle at work in my body.

Romans 7:

23 but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members.

This used to be me… big time. But last year Jesus destroyed the prison walls that held me captive. This freedom from lust is the miracle that I'm counting on to keep me pure and in His will. It's a little bit scary, relying completely on a miracle to guide me. But I can't think of a better way to know that I am being led. Here is my thinking: this is a regular sounding board for me. If I slip I'll know that my 'members' are taking me captive again, and thus, He is not keeping me free. And the only reason that He would stop protecting me from myself would be if I was purposely removing myself from His protection. I really like how solid the feedback is. I'm not waiting around for a mysterious sign giving me approval. I'm actively walking on water and keeping my eyes on Jesus, knowing that if I sink it's because my eyes have wandered. So I don't think it's a stretch to say that if I am pursuing this marriage, and God doesn’t want me too, He will stop protecting me in this area. I'm not viewing this as an acid test that will guarantee divine approval for my actions. I'm too spiritually immature to do that. Rather, I'm viewing this as part of a chorus of input that God has been giving me. I figure that way, if one or more of my sources of perceived direction is flawed, I will have other means of hearing Him. Unless they are ALL flawed. But I don't believe God would let me be so foolish when I am sincerely seeking Him as I am. The Bible after all promises wisdom to those who ask for her. And believe me, I'm ASKING!

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