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Showing posts from April, 2005

Not too proud to stop and ask for directions

I'm at a pretty important juncture in my life.And it's no coincidence that I'm more passionate then ever about doing what God would want me to do.So I also believe that there is a reason I am getting several different messages from different sources concerning finding God's will.I went back to the Ancient Paths seminar last week with my girlfriend.I listened to a recording of a lecture about prophesy and listening to God on a car trip last week.Our college/career group had our senior pastor guest speaking last night.Can you guess what it was about?How to hear God.Then on top of it all, my girlfriend has been causing me to reevaluate the way I view my faith and God, and how Christianity can work.I think my pastor's talk last night worked really well to organize all the miscellaneous thoughts about the subject that have been swirling through my head over the past month or so.The single most important thing about hearing God is this: no ritual or process will teach yo…

Reflections on my 30th birthday

Well, here it is.The big three-oh.It's funny but I was more freaked out by it six months ago than I am now.Of course, I was more freaked out by everything six months ago.I think the biggest fear of turning 30 was just the conceptual leap; the gulf it could create between me and my friends at church who are mostly in their low-to-mid twenties.Since I already don't quite fit in due to the kids and a former marriage, so that little extra push outside wasn't welcome.And also I thought there might be a chance that I would find a wife among that group. (Even though I was trying NOT to think that way.)But now I'm courting a 25 year old, and so that's just not an issue any more.And of course there are the obligatory regrets about what I wasn't able to do in my twenties.Although, really, I guess I was pretty productive.I got a degree in Industrial Design.I built a good career, at one point attaining an art lead position in charge of a dozen people.I had two kids. I lear…

Wow

Over the past 3 weeks my relationship with a friend of mine has gone from 'really great friends' to courting and talking about wedding plans.How did this happen?When only 3 weeks ago I was still thinking I couldn't move past my ex-wife?I thought I had to wait for her to change her ways and come back.Because I thought that would be the ideal arrangement for my boys.But I think God has different plans.The ex is showing no signs of change, and now an amazing, godly woman wants to jump in the gap. And I'm left trying to reconcile my old position with this new event.Everything is just feeling so.. right.As though it was God-ordained.Let me express right now that I am terrified of attributing my feelings as God's direction.I am being VERY careful about that.So I'm trying to get a reading from other sources besides my own heart.Elders in my church, my parents, my kids, and of course, scripture.I'm praying hard that I would be guided in a way I can understand.I kne…