Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I'm getting married so I can have sex.

Ha ha haaaa! This has been a great day for me. I got another response on my blog that really cheered me up. Here is some of it and some responses…

Anonymous said:

"Ok, we all know that you’d say that "church" is the top best place to find a woman. Then we'd also all know that you're definitely hopelessly insane."

S/he was referring to this humor entry where Mr. Knowitall tells of the second and third best places for meeting women, but does not reveal the first. Let me clear one thing up. Mr. Knowitall is a good friend of mine, and I can tell you without hesitation that he would certainly NEVER recommend meeting girls in church! I let him use my blog for his advice column but I do not endorse or agree with his opinions. So please, never confuse his thoughts and opinions with mine! (I'm trying to get him to start his own website so he won't need to pollute my blog any more.)

And referencing some earlier entries about my impending marriage…

"Reality check…Didn’t you marry the first one too soon??? What makes you think that just because you haven’t kissed this one, that it will work out better? …

You’ve already admitted that you’re starved for affection. I think you may be looking for that “special someone” subconsciously for the wrong reasons. Are you too holy to be horny? No, (as a faithful guy, I know!) it’s against human nature. Maybe she IS “the one”… but HELLO…what’s the rush? Is it the sex? What else would it be? If you really love each other, and it isn’t about sex, then you can wait a few years to make sure it’s right. Right? RIGHT!?!?...

…If the answer is sex (I know you’ll say “no”, but who do you think you are fooling?), then forget it. Having sex once to satiate the urge is better than putting yourself and your family through another failed marriage…

…Oh, how I worry about your judgment…."

This made me happy because it confirmed something in my spirit. I'm a pretty open, soul-searching kind of guy. And when an accusation is leveled at me I take it to heart. I examine it. I tumble it around in my head for a while. And I usually find that it has a basis in reality. How many times have I said to myself after a sound criticism: "Gosh, I am too proud.", "Wow, that was thoughtless of me." or "I really didn't think that through as much as I should have." Why, if I had a nickel for every one of those moments of self deprecating realizations I'd have, like, almost a dollar! No, really, it's the way God made me. I'm introspective and not afraid to admit when I'm wrong.

So when I read a criticism like this I'm in familiar territory. I'm not instantly pushing back and dismissing, or returning fire. I know that others in my life have insinuated as much to me about this issue of my impending marriage, but never out and said it. But this… This is just a balls-to-the-wall, in-your-face, call-out. And I LIKE it! And what is most exiting to me about it is that the call-out hit my spirit and bounced off like a pebble off an aircraft carrier. Normally, when I'm confronted with something I don't want to admit, the call-out hits my spirit like a tank running over a frog. I'm crushed. I soak in it. I stew. I dwell. The accusation resonates because it's based on a truth. Sometimes more than others. But there is always a familiar feeling of accomplishment when I take the criticism, own it, and incorporate change in my life as a result.

So can I prove to anyone besides myself and God that I'm not making a decision about marriage based, in part, on lust? I don't think that would be possible. All I can say is that I did that 'getting married for sex' thing the first time I got around, so I know exactly what it feels like. And this is utterly different. I can also point to the fact that our 'no kissing' policy is as strong as ever. We aren’t being ascetics for the hell of it, or to prove anything. It is part of a larger thing happening in both our lives. I don't think it's wrong for people to kiss before they are married. But I see a tremendous gift that God gave me. He freed from the lust of my flesh. I am very familiar with my nature, and so I can easily recognize when I am protected from it. Here's an example from today... I walk into my office and Little-Miss-Takes-It-Too-Far is playing the "leaked" Paris Hilton sex video on her laptop. This is hard-core pornography, up-close and personal. This is exactly the sort of thing that used to send my mind into a frantic downward spiral into lust. And the lust would continually hound me until I did something about it. I think most men are this way. (I hope I'm not a freak!) But since last year, the spirit of lust has been –I can only assume- viciously beaten down by something every time it tries to attack me. I'm impervious. Certainly not because of anything I'm doing. I'm not maintaining any sort of magical enchantment or attaining some higher state of holiness. No, like all gifts from God, this one was given to me even though I don't deserve it. I can see that it is a part of a movement in my life that God is guiding me through. I can't see it clearly, but I can tell it's beautiful and I am SO thankful for it. The fact that I don't feel a need to kiss my girlfriend, and don't lust after her is weird. Very weird. And I wouldn't expect anyone to understand it unless they have been led by God to do a weird thing before. As I said, it's a PART of something bigger. It's not WHY I have been convinced that I should marry my sweetheart. But it is in concert with all the other reasons. And it allows me to know that I'm not doing this for the wrong reasons. I know that in this mode of lustlessness (I want that to be a word!) I could go for the rest of my life without sex and be just fine. Therefore I can rule that out as a potential wrong reason for marriage.

So what's the hurry? If it's not for sex, than why not wait a couple years? It would certainly be the common-sense thing to do. It would be a good, safe approach. It would ensure that we aren't jumping the gun. Any marriage councilor would recommend it.

Well, the fact is that I'm not in a hurry. I'd be lying if I said I'm not excited about it, or that I'm not happy it's happening sooner rather than later. But this is the essence of a spirit-driven life: when you are led to do a thing; do it. If I was being led to wait, I'd wait. If I was being led to scratch the whole thing altogether I would, without hesitation, do that. If I was being led to kill my neighbor, I'd do it. No wait! I would see that it contradicts scripture, and thus the 'leading' must have come from myself or Satan. (Hopefully not me. I don't have anything against my neighbor!)

So if I'm right that God is leading me to marry this girl, why would He do that so soon? Well, I can think of two reasons off the top of my head. And both of them have been without a mother for years. That doesn't mean it's THE reason. And I would never presume to know the mind of God or accurately decipher His plans. But I don't think He minds if we see some obvious benefits of following His ways. For all I know it could be because the world is going to end on October 2nd, and He wants me to have one night of wedded bliss before the end. That would be funny. Anyway, my point is that we could wait, but that's not what God has been telling us to do. I have already outlined how I believe He has been telling us to get married several times in blogs gone past.

But could I be wrong? Of course. Who couldn't be. Thank you for your concern about my judgment; it's touching, really. I would be concerned about it too if I didn't believe in a personal God who loves me and cares about every little detail of my life to the point that He actually directs me towards His perfect will which ultimately brings the best to everyone. If I'm wrong about this decision then I'm wrong about a great many things more. Because I'm more convinced about this decision than any other one I've ever made in my life. Only time will tell I suppose.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right on! You seem to have everything more than covered. I was mostly interested in your thoughts on the matter. And, well, thank you for sharing!

I'm am very happy for you and your "2 reasons" that you will all be a part of a happy family again.

4:06 PM  

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