Reflections on the day before my wedding
I've spent all week making a giant, paper mache tree. And a 4 foot wide moon. Then setting them up at church to be the backdrop for my wedding ceremony.
It's the day before my wedding. (My second and last wedding.) And I'm really thankful for what God has been doing in me. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited. Well, for starters, I don't usually get excited before an exciting thing, just during. I am certainly anticipating the event with joy. And I guess that makes me happier than excitement. Because joy, true joy is full of peace. I'm quite calm, content, and worry free. (I wish I could say the same for Heather!) And it's not because I'm disengaged from the process of preparing for the wedding. Like I said, I've been heavily involved in the decoration and such. I simply know in my heart of hearts that this is meant to be, so I'm not worried about what-ifs and could-bes. My fantastic church is showing what it truly means to work together as a body, giving out of love. There are so many talented people who are helping make the wedding happen for free, because they know we don't have the money. I really can't wait 'till I have the opportunity to repay the kindness I'm receiving now.
One of the positive things about being married previously is that the experience provides a great sounding board for comparisons. When I think back to my first wedding, and the time leading up to it I remember a very different bunch of emotions whirling around in me. I remember knowing that we were being foolish getting married. I had the epiphany about a month before the wedding that there was really no way I could know the woman I was marrying because we were both still kids. But the momentum was too great for my immature mind to stop the proceedings. I couldn't imagine telling her never mind. And beyond that, I really, really wanted to have sex. In fact, that was really the biggest source of excitement to me. My only defense on that matter is that I was 18… What do you expect? But that screaming urge was enough to overwhelm the still small voice that was telling me I was doing the wrong thing.
Having been through that experience lets me see just how different this situation is. It was vitally important to us that we remain sexually pure before marriage, and with God's covering it was never difficult. And the fact that it was not difficult speaks volumes to our motives, and our thought processes, and our spirits. We're not groping and panting to the finish line, barley able to contain or control our bodies until our wedding night. Sure, we are looking forward to it, (who wouldn't) but it's not our motivation.
The other big difference is the listening we have been doing. My first marriage was as much an act of defiance as it was a coming together. We knew that both our parents were not happy about the idea. We even snuck off to another church to get our prerequisite pre-marital counseling from a different pastor so we could avoid the accountability.
But this time we are welcoming all the accountability we can find. And the result has been resounding confirmation. My kids are happy and excited about it and so are our parents, pastor and elders.
So that all results in a calm, joyful confidence that the marriage I'm entering into tomorrow is truly the will of God, and therefore will be blessed with much fruit.