Here is a true confession for all the atheists who keep telling me I need to check out their I'm-a-happy-atheist website. Ready?

I am weak. I don't have the strength to live my life without God. I know my limits. Call it poor character, bad genes, god genes, or pure laziness. Call it what you will. I need Jesus. I need Him more than the air I breathe. I've heard plenty of hard-core atheist arguments. Some are better than others. I could go explore all the reasons that I'm a weak minded fool who is being pacified and used.

I still entertain the thought that I can't be a true apologist until I've explored every possible belief system and found them lacking compared to my belief in Christ. After all, I don't want to be like the folks who were born in Texas and have never traveled further than Oklahoma, saying that Texas is the most beautiful place in the world. Yet here I am, born and raise in a Christian home. Sure the past year I've traveled from slightly right of the center of Christendom to slightly left of it. But I don't have the killer testimony, like the guy who was a Satanist, or Buddhist, or Muslim, and found God in the Bible.

But it could also like those times people around me have told me I should really try –insert favorite drug here- and it will make my creativity skyrocket! Who knows, they might be right. But the fact of the matter is, I'm quite happy with my creativity level. And I can see the lives that they lead that have to revolve around drugs. I don't feel the need to go to where they are and fully experience what they are talking about to justify my refusal.

But that's all speculation. Maybe the reason I don't go thoroughly explore atheism is that I'm too weak minded, or maybe because I'm too wise. The fact is that I don't own my faith. I didn't earn it, make it, or sustain it. I am sustained by it. I see blessings in my life as a result of it. Not just for me, but those around me. Why would I leave that? You know the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."? Well, I that doesn't apply to me in any way. I am content in the pasture I've been placed in.

And how can I defend against the argument that I'm like the slime ball in the Matrix movie who preferred his delusion to reality? Because he preferred his illusion for himself. It was purely about selfishness. Whereas I have love flowing out of me to everyone because of my beliefs. Christ leads me OUT of selfishness, calls me to follow Him where it is difficult and painful. Leads me by example to minister to those around me. If this is a delusion then I'm happy to stay here.

So… thank you for your invitations. But no thank you.


Anonymous said…
I read your post just now. Sounds like you made your decision. Two comments...1. You'd be surprised at how much wonder and joy you have for life as an atheist (probably more, although the initial shock from taking the "red pill" can be tough) 2. We're different and I accept that. I wouldn't be happy if I felt that I was following a falsehood. I would want to discover the truth.

Last note - I'm a fan of your art :)

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