Monday, September 27, 2004

Farwell to fantasy

It’s been a gradual process, but I’m finally starting to feel some relief in the ‘woman’ department. The pressure to have a woman in my life romantically is subsiding. When I imagine a life without a wife I don’t get that panic-stricken wailing in my head quite as loud. I’m starting to settle on this idea that I made a vow to God that I would stand by this woman until one of us dies. I just really don’t see any way around that. I sure want to. But I can’t. And I’m losing hope that there will be some kind of divine epiphany where I suddenly feel ‘release’ from this thinking. I know God will never override a scriptural concept. He is unchanging. I don’t want to be like those air-heads who say they prayed about it and God said it was OK for them to have sex before marriage, or get drunk when they are with close friends, or leave their spouse and marry their secretary, etc. So any escape from my perceived future of celibacy will come though hermeneutics, not revelation. I’ve heard arguments on both sides. Both sides have some shaky parts. But on the whole, I feel much safer (or more loyal to God) leaning towards a literal reading of scripture than making a major life decision based on a possible interpretation. It’s like an interpretation of Genesis… I asked my dad about that a while ago. I said, with all our scientific speculations and such, and with the poetic language of the creation account, why is the idea of interpreting Adam and Eve not as individual entities, but as proxies for a developing line of organism, considered heretical by so many Christians? Adam created from dust seems to fit the idea of a complex organism arising from less complex ones. I would never exclude God from the equation, but why would we still interpret the creation the same way now? The answer is pretty simple. God chose those words for a reason. They convey what we need to know. Since He, and His Word are perfect, adding our speculation into our reading is polluting His message. God didn’t want us to see humans as evolved lower species. He wanted us to see ourselves as unique expressions of His creativity and Love. So I don’t know if Adam and Eve were literal people. (I’m guessing they were.) I don’t know how old the earth is. I don’t know what happened to the dinosaurs. But really, I just don’t care that much. I know that I believe what God has revealed to us. So when it comes to creation theory, and divorce theory, I’m going to stick to what the words say until I understand differently.

I think one of the reasons my desire for a woman has gone into abeyance, is that I’ve had my kids back for a couple of weeks now. Near the end of the summer I had several weeks, on and off, without the kids. (Visiting various grandparents and relatives.) This really got my social life revving. I was out meeting new people and having fun with lots of young, single, Christian girls. Now that the boys are back I’m much more limited. I’m remembering how darn hard it is to be a single parent. I’m forced to buckle down and deal with life as it comes. I don’t have time for girls. (Although I did take my kids to the movies with two pretty girls on Sunday.) But overall, I can see that being a good dad is probably going to preclude any romantic endeavors for quite a while. And thank God, I’m not fretting about that fact any more.

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