Yeah! Another crappy blog poem!

Last night I wrote a crappy poem. It’s about that darn girl that won’t get off of my mind no matter how hard I try to remove her. Strangely, even as I was writing it, in the back of my mind, there was a feeling of thanksgiving. I was subconsciously aware that having an unrequited crush be the worst thing in my life means I have a pretty spectacular life. God is so wonderful to me. My house isn’t being shelled. I don’t have cancer. I’m not addicted to anything. My parents are both alive and well. My children are healthy and showing a love for God and His ways. And… And I’m not on fire. So all things considered, it seems kind of petty for this subject to occupy my mind. But it does. Oh drat! Just when I thought I was about to achieve perfection. (<--Sarcasm)

Now I’ve written many a crappy song before. But I think this may be my first poem. And, this being a personal blog, it seems almost obligatory to have a horrible poem on here. So, without further ado…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That Darn Girl!

I want to see her as a Sister-In-Christ

But the passion welling up wants her for my wife

Why does my heart betray me?

Complicate me?

Hate me?

Where is the Spirit? I can’t hear it…

with all this fighting in my soul!

My heart says “Yes, yes yes yes!”

My head says “No.”

Incessant!

Cacophonous!

Exhaustion…

Why?

Why do you have to be so beautiful? So friendly and so faithful?

Intelligent. Elegant.

Why do you have to be as gorgeous on the inside,

as you are on the outside?

Your giant eyes melt me with every glance.

Why do I give them the chance?

Your undeniably cute, lopsided smile drives me wild.

God, why am I such a child?

Our awkward phone conversations….

My bumbling tergiversations…

If I’m not coming through clear

It’s because all I can hear

Is my own pulsing fear.

I hide my feelings for you.

I hide them deep inside. Locked in my chaotic mind.

I like you too much to burden you with my plight.

How can I see you as ‘just a friend’?

when the moment I saw you I was so smitten?

That is where it began. Now where does it end?

When will my frustration end?

When?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you! Thank you very much.

Now I’m not one for repressing feelings. God built us this way. We get feelings. Some of them are better than others. Some of them are downright destructive. I think about spouses who are tempted to cheat. I wonder how transparent we are supposed to be with those kinds of feelings. Open and honest expression of feelings is vital to a good relationship, and have helped me find maturity. (Not that I’m all the way there yet.) But then again, I hide a lot of my feelings of frustration and anger from my kids when they make me mad. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. That is part of putting others first. So what do I do with these feelings I have to lock up? I guess writing about them helps. But I still feel like my chest is going to explode every time I see her. *sigh*

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Epic Weekend

Image
Wow… I am worn out.  My team’s big project at work is live now, and we just released a big patch to fix some terrible difficulty spikes.  The last time we released Super Adventure Box: World 1 it got pretty universal praise.  (Which I put up here back in April)  Since then our founder/president has used it (Along with the Mad King Clock Tower I designed and built back in October 2012) as examples of content we release that raises retention rate, and therefore revenue.  So expectations were high for this World 2 release which came out on Tuesday.  The day after Labor Day and the Penny Arcade Expo.     Saturday (3 days before SAB World 2 launched) my company held a party at a hotel near PAX for fans, and my project, Super Adventure Box was the main feature.  We were running speed run competitions all night where players tried to be the first to get to the end of the new zones.  I ended up MCing the whole night.  I guess there...
Read more

Covid: 4 Years Later

Image
Before I begin let me quickly sketch the readers I'm writing this for, so you can decide if it's worth your 10 minutes. Firstly, this is for those of you who are at least somewhat sympathetic to people who are still worried about Covid and are sincerely curious why we are this way. I'm trying to present our case as coherently as I can, with references. (As well as I, a not-quite-professional writer can.) I'd like to convince you our stance is not based on fear, hypochondria, conspiracy theory, etc. But based on peer reviewed science. I'm also writing for myself and other folks who are taking Covid very seriously. I'm an ambassador by nature, so I like to facilitate understanding between groups where there is none. Many in my cohort simply cannot fathom how most of the world is not seeing the problem. Here's the agenda. First I'll quickly cover history of this pandemic, then some of what the science says about infectious disease and protecting ourselves....
Read more

A Covid Mask Prediction

Image
In speaking with several other covid conscious people I got a very nicely detailed prediction I wanted to record for posterity. They do not want to be credited with this out of concern for messenger-shooting. So I asked them if I could post it here anonymously and they agreed. Anon:"We are going to have mask requirements. I've done the math on all the possible interventions, and masks are the only one which can get the Rt down below 1 and actually stop the pandemic. Without masks, you can't do it; the other tools put together just aren't good enough (the best one, air filtration, maxes out at 80% effective, and so does Far-UVC, and this simply isn't enough with the infectiousness of Covid -- short-range transmission, which neither intervention stops, will keep it going at pandemic levels). Therefore we're going to get masks. I don't know how many maskless people will die before we get masks. But the math is inescapable. We start using respirator masks. Or m...
Read more