Yeah! Another crappy blog poem!

Last night I wrote a crappy poem. It’s about that darn girl that won’t get off of my mind no matter how hard I try to remove her. Strangely, even as I was writing it, in the back of my mind, there was a feeling of thanksgiving. I was subconsciously aware that having an unrequited crush be the worst thing in my life means I have a pretty spectacular life. God is so wonderful to me. My house isn’t being shelled. I don’t have cancer. I’m not addicted to anything. My parents are both alive and well. My children are healthy and showing a love for God and His ways. And… And I’m not on fire. So all things considered, it seems kind of petty for this subject to occupy my mind. But it does. Oh drat! Just when I thought I was about to achieve perfection. (<--Sarcasm)

Now I’ve written many a crappy song before. But I think this may be my first poem. And, this being a personal blog, it seems almost obligatory to have a horrible poem on here. So, without further ado…

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That Darn Girl!

I want to see her as a Sister-In-Christ

But the passion welling up wants her for my wife

Why does my heart betray me?

Complicate me?

Hate me?

Where is the Spirit? I can’t hear it…

with all this fighting in my soul!

My heart says “Yes, yes yes yes!”

My head says “No.”

Incessant!

Cacophonous!

Exhaustion…

Why?

Why do you have to be so beautiful? So friendly and so faithful?

Intelligent. Elegant.

Why do you have to be as gorgeous on the inside,

as you are on the outside?

Your giant eyes melt me with every glance.

Why do I give them the chance?

Your undeniably cute, lopsided smile drives me wild.

God, why am I such a child?

Our awkward phone conversations….

My bumbling tergiversations…

If I’m not coming through clear

It’s because all I can hear

Is my own pulsing fear.

I hide my feelings for you.

I hide them deep inside. Locked in my chaotic mind.

I like you too much to burden you with my plight.

How can I see you as ‘just a friend’?

when the moment I saw you I was so smitten?

That is where it began. Now where does it end?

When will my frustration end?

When?

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Thank you! Thank you very much.

Now I’m not one for repressing feelings. God built us this way. We get feelings. Some of them are better than others. Some of them are downright destructive. I think about spouses who are tempted to cheat. I wonder how transparent we are supposed to be with those kinds of feelings. Open and honest expression of feelings is vital to a good relationship, and have helped me find maturity. (Not that I’m all the way there yet.) But then again, I hide a lot of my feelings of frustration and anger from my kids when they make me mad. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. That is part of putting others first. So what do I do with these feelings I have to lock up? I guess writing about them helps. But I still feel like my chest is going to explode every time I see her. *sigh*